Social-emotional intelligence

‘Why did I do that? How come I always react in the same way?’

Have you ever acted or reacted in a way you thought was less than sexy? Don’t stress most of us have at some point in time, the aim is not to punish ourselves for our reactions but to learn from them, it is only when we choose to learn that we become socially emotionally intelligent.

Social-emotional intelligence is vital for maintaining happiness with ourselves and others. When we are socially emotionally intelligent we can cope in a variety of situations by recognizing that we will bounce back when we choose to learn.

Social-emotional intelligence is vital to coping in all situations not just those major hurts like the ones you have highlighted in yesterday’s task. It means you are aware of how you deal with difficult people, process relationship breakdowns (and starting over), how you handle criticism, and how resilient you are. The more aware you are of the way you react in different situations the better you tend to cope. You are more emotionally intelligent when you choose to deal with issues head-on, they are painful and unpleasant at times but hiding hurts simply allows the same pain to be manifested in different areas of your life. Furthermore, you are more emotionally intelligent when you realize when you are investing energy in people and situations that do not add value to you.

6 tasks to increase your social-emotional intelligence

1. Write down your typical response to individuals who doubt you, those who seek to be difficult, those who provide you with only negative criticism.

2. Once you have completed step 1 I want you to write down the way you want to respond in each situation. You may like to start with what you call an I statement (this basically states what you want by beginning the word I).

3. Write down how you have responded in the past when a romantic relationship has broken down. Think of the raw moment when it first happened. How did you react? Did you respond from a place of self-love or were you more concerned about being accepted by someone? Were you worried about fears instead of positive opportunities you had to make the relationship a success?

4. What are some things that still bother you about romantic relationships even though you have moved on to better things (either that being single or in a better, healthier relationship)?

5. Identify the things that most bother you and how you deal with them. Is there anything you struggle to deal with? At the very least you need to be aware of this so you can make a plan to overcome them.

6. Do you fly or fight? Everyone has the innate fight or flight response in them, different situations will evoke different responses from us however it is vital that you are not a frequent flyer. Why? Frequent fliers avoid dealing with issues. I don’t want you to be a frequent flyer, these people tend to be less happy, less loved, and less successful. They are always looking for more but have the backup plan to run away if something gets uncomfortable or scary. There is no accomplishment in that, there is also little self- love in that. Think about it- if you are prepared to fly away from the pain you are also prepared to fly away from love. Choose the one thing that will make you feel better.

I hope you enjoy reflecting on these things. When you are done I recommend that you write a rating 1 to 10 about how socially emotionally intelligent you consider yourself to be. Again, this rating is not something to use for self-criticism purposes it is simply a tool to help you see how far you have come by the end of the challenge. Remember 10 is bee’s knees and 1 is struggling.

As always, looking forward to connecting again soon,

Julia Trask